A Kidnapping
by Min Daae
Summary: Post The Gathering Storm, Rand meets with Mat to talk about a certain problem he has. Namely, Tuon and the Seanchan. Mat...is rather distressed by this. Present, o'course, for TheZorpisuttle.


Well, this was awkward.

Rand looked tired, near exhausted, and Mat wanted to say something funny but wasn't sure if that or bowing would be stranger.

"What're you doing here," he settled on, and winced at the way it came out. He looked for Min; he wouldn't mind seeing her and she was always attached to Rand, he thought. But Rand al'Dragon Reborn seemed genuinely alone, and just as genuinely uncertain.

Was that a bad thing?

"I could say the same for you. –no, forget it. Light, Mat…how long has it been?"

Mat blinked. Was that a trick question? "Uhh – a while." What i_was/i _he doing here? Rand grimaced, lifted a hand to rub through his hair, then frowned at the stump where his sword hand ended. Mat stared at it too. Of course he'd seen it before, but that wasn't the same as…seeing it. Light, but Mat was glad he wasn't the Dragon Reborn. He examined Rand's face during the silence, trying to tell if he was saner or…not saner than he'd been before. It was difficult to say.

"If you want to make small talk, can you do it on the move? I'm on a bit of an errand."

Rand started, head jerking up with a sharp frown, but just as suddenly he laughed. Why did he laugh? Was that a sign of 'not-saner?' "Thank you, Mat," Rand said, sounding almost affectionate. Blood and bloody ashes. "Yes, I can talk and move. What kind of errand?"

Mat tugged on the brim of his hat. "I'll tell you if it works." To his utmost surprise, Rand didn't argue. He seemed to be thinking. "What happened to your hand," Mat asked, eventually, just to break the silence.

Rand's expression didn't move. "Semirhage. Posing as the Seanchan Daughter of the Nine Moons."

Mat's head snapped around. "When?" Posing as Tuon? But that didn't mean – Tuon wouldn't have known of this. Surely not.

"Some time. She is dead now."

For a terrible moment, Mat thought Rand meant that _Tuon _was dead, and wanted very much to strangle him. Then he understood, and wanted very much to strangle him and jump several feet away. "Oh. Good."

"Yes," said Rand simply, and there was another stretch of silence. Mat fidgeted. Awkwardly.

"I met the real Daughter of the Nine Moons," Rand said, finally, sounding almost careful, and Mat tensed again. Met, what did that mean? There was another pause, in which Mat felt that he was supposed to say something and didn't know what to say.

"There is no alliance. I suspect Seanchan will attack the White Tower."

Mat's head swung around. "Wait, i_what?/i_" Rand was scrutinizing him with unnervingly calm grey eyes. Now he didn't seem likely to laugh. But at least he didn't seem likely to start bringing lightning down on Mat's head either.

"She would not ally with me. The Seanchan will continue to harry everything from here westward. Mat, I need to ask you-"

"No," he said, firmly. Rand blinked.

"You don't know what I'm going to ask."

"I'm not going to go – I don't know, attack the Seanchan. It'd be insane. There's only one of me and I'd like to keep my skin in one piece, and this errand is pretty bloody important," and Mat realized a bit too late that Rand was shaking his head.

"Mat, she claimed that you kidnapped her. Could you do it again?"

Mat's mouth fell open, and he could do nothing but gape, stopping dead. "She claimed I i_what?/i_" All right, maybe it had been at first, but it wasn't like he hadn't treated her perfectly well, like a princess, like a bloody i_queen/i _and she'd repaid him in trouble and yet she went telling Rand that she'd been i_kidnapped/i _like he was some bloody ruffian without an ounce of respect for women-

"That you kidnapped her." Rand sounded uncertain, again. "Is that not true? She said – Nynaeve was there."

Mat nearly choked. i_Nynaeve/i _was there. "What did she think about that?"

"She told her off, actually." Rand's mouth twitched, if only barely. "She told her that you were a decent young man and she wouldn't have anyone talking about you like that."

"You're joking." Mat had a sudden urge to drop his head into his hands and moan faintly. Of course Nynaeve would. Just when he needed it least. Light burn the woman! And Rand, and Tuon, what was she thinking?

"I'm not." Rand frowned, slightly. "Mat, you look like you're going to be sick."

"Blood and bloody ashes," Mat nearly wheezed. "Rand – I think I – Light. He couldn't help but laugh, hopelessly. "I'm married."

The double-take was so intense this time that Mat thought it was exaggerated for a moment. "You're i_what?/i_ To – what does that have to do with anything?"

"I'm married," said Mat, very much wanting to hide his face against a tree, "To the Daughter of the Nine Moons. Her name is Tuon, and yes, I kidnapped her. Sort of. I was helping some Aes Sedai escape at the time."

Rand was staring at Mat as though he'd gone mad. i_He'd/i _gone mad! When Rand was halfway there already. That was rich. "I think you're going to need to elaborate," he said, slowly, still looking a little stunned. Mat thought sourly that it was probably more the news that he was married than who he was married to. After all, the Dragon Reborn probably didn't have to bow to any Empress of the Seanchan, or at least Rand wouldn't.

Mat threw up his hands in the air. "I was stuck in Ebou Dar, there were some Aes Sedai on those leash things. I didn't want to leave them there, so I was taking them out and I ran into Tuon, and I couldn't have her go around telling everyone, and how was i_I/i _supposed to know that saying someone is married to you three times in Seanchan culture is the same as being halfway married?"

"What?"

"I said 'she's my wife' three times, after Selucia announced who she was." Mat grimaced. "So then I was half married. And there was some kind of – I don't know why. She finished it right before she left. So now we're married and I'm some kind of bloody Prince of Ravens or whatever the Empress's husband is called."

Rand did not look any less confused. "Mat – why did you say you were her wife at all?"

"It's the damn things in the door," Mat muttered, tugging his hat over his eyes. "You will marry the Daughter of the Nine Moons, they said. And I bloody well did. Never would have either if they hadn't bloody said anything."

Rand was looking at him so oddly that Mat glared at him, balefully. Rand shook his head.

"You kidnap her, and she marries you." He sounded stunned. "Mat, you really do have the best luck with women." He paused. "Does that mean if you t-"

"Oh i_no you don't/i,_" Mat hissed. "Don't you dare. I'm not going back there. They'll stick a crown and fancy dress on me and then what'll I do?"

He didn't understand why Rand was laughing. He really didn't understand. Mat tugged his hat brim down and glared at the ground.

It really wasn't funny.

Bloody Dragon Reborn.


End file.
